Monday, August 4, 2008

No longer a puppet.....


I was typically only going to speak about scrapbooking stuff on this blog...I'm a writer though and sometimes the best medicine for me is to write about things that matter. My ex whom I wont name has trouble with controlling other people to his own benefit! I have trouble with letting him do it! Everything that I have ever done wrong consumes me to the point of worry! I've officially contacted a lawyer today! Why? It seems as though I'm getting tired of being a puppet for someone where they are holding the strings. When God chose marriage it was not suppose to be threatening or controlling. He may never agree what he was doing in our marriage was emotionally abusive but that is not for him to decide for me. The law sees it differently.Just like he is trying to control the mediation process. What I'm about to say to him is this I am a good mother, Yes the house was messy, but guess what You didn't bother to help me you just complained...I was never taught....You could have helped me to learn. I was depressed but not by any disorder....maybe post par dome depression that I tried to hide from you, I tried to make our marriage work...you just would not go to counseling. Our Marriage was all about you...and To some degree it still is about you. Except we have 2 completely beautiful children who needed their dad to also make it work! His daughter needed to see him fight for me and love me...instead she only sees the negative about men and is trying to please every person that is around her including her dad- out of fear that he wont love her. My son needed to see that anger wasn't the way to go, he needed to see the proper way to treat his wife....instead he still sees me as his personal servant because that was all I was to him! They both needed to see this marriage work because that was their lifeline. We both screwed that up! Was being right worth a broken family? That is the question I pose to him! I just want this part of my life to be over....I want someone who can love me and I can heal from all this negativity! Long story short .....Give me the Divorce, already! At least do that for your girlfriend!

4 comments:

:: gingerkitty :: said...

Hi congratulations on your new found power. You left a comment for the giveaway on my blog. I need you to go back and just type in the name of the product because the link didn't work. thanks and then you will stay in the drawing..
thanks so much and good fortunate to you.
living creating & appreciating
my blog

Danielle said...

Hi Christi, I wanted to stop by and say thank you for your sweet comment on my blog. I really appreciate it! And I'm so sorry to hear about everything...I can certainly understand how you must feel though. It's wonderful that you are strong enough to leave the relationship and make it right for yourself. That is what is most important.
Big hugs,
Danielle

:: gingerkitty :: said...

Christi you won.. come back to my blog to email me your address... the peekabook is yours.... congrats.

namaste melina
living creating & appreciating
my blog

Joanna said...

this is a strong, powerful and admiring post that I'm sure was hard for you to write so openly. I admire your courage and with this strong attitude, I'm sure nothing but good will come from that choice you made.